All Is Well, That Ends (Sun)Well

Prologue: Just a little introduction before you get to read the latest piece of news. Gildagor’s actual report had been finished and prepared since quite some time, but out of the blue our cartoonist Sasheem was abducted by gnomes. So, of course, we had to find an alternative solution, as a novelty like this also deserves an adequate picture. I know, that the images below are no sasheem’ian masterpieces, yet you better be happy, that they didn’t let me draw them up, because – dead honest – my capability for graphic presentations is, well, dreadful. And that’s still an euphemism. The idea for the text below was born quite early and staged – as carried out already – by Gildagor. Brutallus was (possibly due to the fact, that we futilely experimented with 8 healers for too long) a real ordeal for us and it took us way longer than expected to dig a suitable whole for him. During the past months, we weren’t completely lobotomized though, and so we continued to proceed with our bear hunting party project. Meanwhile, as might be distinguishable on the above picture, we are slowly closing in on 30 bears. Well, I simply had to boast a little bit after all that time it took us to thwack that *&%#§ demonspawn! All Is Well, That Ends (Sun)Well - by Gildagor Hello! Me had little chat with Illidan ze other day. Him sayin’, zat he wanna possibly reinforce his armed forces. Soooo me fink and fink about it and me feel it be time for a change! Ze ground trembles and only ze sky is ze limit, Brutallus is applyin’ to ze Illidari Shock-Troopers! Name: Michael "Brutallus" Brutallusovjinich Race: Annihilan Class: Fury warrior Talents: Meteor Slash - Burn - Stomp - Berserk DPS: Helluvalot! Health: 10,500,000 What's the thing you like most about your job? Me enjoy smashin’! No, no, ... me LUFF smashin’! Smashin’ and bashin’ are me callin’. Zere be nuffin’, and when me say nuffin’, me be meanin’ NUFFIN’, better zan guud hard, bloody fight against puny midgets. After six minutes me be all warmed up and start havin’ a really guud time, but mostly it all be over by zen! Previous guild(s): Me was in KayJay’s Minions. Zey be a rather young guild, zus not gettin’ as much attention as ze older ones. Me left ‘em since zey are a little too much on ze fancy side for me taste. As me said, Brutallus like guud bashin’. Me charge into ze heat of battle right along, while beatin’ on tiny mortals, who keep throwin’ zemselves at me powerful body. Fellow guildmates can't understand zis and usually try mockin’ me at ze end of each week. Zey be braggin’ about how zey blew up to five liliputians at ze same time with sum portal. Felmyst always boggles about ‘em midgets runnin’ away from her skeletons. But when me start tellin’ ‘em how me dissected zat warrior right zrough zat huge spiky shield, zat all of zem like to wear nowadays - (like it was sumfin’ special to wield a metal plate ze size of yourself, PFFFT) - or how me filleted zat bear-turned druid with two precise slashes, zey look at me with gross expressions on zeir faces. And frankly, me is fed up with zat! Have you wiped raids? Uhmmm, maybe! Hmmmkay, quite sum actually, but surely less zan Felmyst, zat dark floatin’ zing and zose two half-nekkid chicks. Me prefer to punch zose Alliance guys in ze face though. Zey squeal so pittifully, especially zeir young ones (me was really surprised of ‘em, when me saw ‘em for ze first time. Besides me own race, ze Annihilians, me hadn't heard of sumbody takin’ zeir young ones to a fight). Zese small ones with ze pink hair. Zey can also carry zis big shield at times, which makes ‘em look like a turtle. Zey are much harder to hit, ye know. Sure, me could just trample ‘em to dust with one stomp, but zat's not so much fun. When ye smack ‘em zey make zese funny sounds and also bounce a bit before lyin’ moshunless. Me also enjoy zese willowy types with ze pointy ears. Zeir spin when dyin’ looks quite acrobatic. As for ze Horde bunch, well, ze cows give ze best smell when burned, but ze rotten guys ruin it with zeir stench, more so if zey get burned. Me prefer fresh meat. And ye can't get a decent face smash in on zose spike-face guys. Afterwards me always have to scrupulously pull zeir horns out from under my skin. Zey usually provide ze harder fights though, zey seem sturdier and more stubborn zan ze softskinned bunch. What are your goals in WoW? To fight and enjoy as many raids as possible. Me feel like me was born for zat! Ze more ze merrier. How can Illidary Shock-Troopers assist you in reaching your goals and what can you offer to us? Ye are situated in one of ze most hugely popular places. Just by assignin’ me a guardin’ spot with yer domain, me will face many more midgets and thus can have more brawls per week than now with zis mind-twistin’ demon Sathrovarr scarin’ ze mortals away. Me can offer a highly motivated, straight forward melee fighter - easily capable of holdin’ his own against intruders. Me don’t ask questshuns and always carry an alotment of belt tokens around. Me could also possibly strike a deal with a craftman family back home in ze Twistin’ Nether (If ye want to know ze details and how it came to ze arrangement, ask me in private). Me once told ol’ KayJaee ze story and he seemed to feel queasy afterwards.) for two powahful necklaces and sum lightweight plate armers. What is the first thing you when appearing in WoW? Me check wot ze handymen sent zis time, zen have a chat with my fellow guildies while sharpenin’ me weaponry. Tell us a story, but make sure it's entertaining! Shortly after me had begun me, me met ze blue dragon chick, Mardigras or sumsuch. She was quite talkative, asked questshuns without end, while evadin’ me in ze air, mockin’ and tauntin’ me. Me got bombarded by her pathetic arcane magics, frozen by her frost spells (damn zose frostbites!) and couldn't reach zat puny lizard. Even worse was, zat one of zese "heroes" came flyin’ over me head as well and tickled me! (Can you imagine a mortal ticklin’ me! HOW DARE ZEY!!!!) Needless to say zat got me into quite a frenzy. Me could feel ze flame crest risin’ higher than ever before. For real here, ye want answers ye have to fight for ‘em for real and not dabble with sum light and temperature effects. Anyway, me got so worked up zat me took sum quick steps and with all my rage slammed me feet into ze ground. Me got lifted into ze air, caught a grip on ze dragons tail and pulled it down with me to ze ground. (me saw zese midgets do zat, zey call it jumpin’, me finks.) Harr, harr! And when me finally had her on ze ground me started to *censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored*. Brutallus hope ye liked me little story. As ye can see from it, me can still learn sum new tricks and will gladly pick up any advice ye have to offer. If ye have any more questhuns, don't hesitate to contact me. -- Brutallus *EDIT*: Zere seems to be sumfin’ wrong with yer forum, as ze last part of me story won't display properly! ( But you can find pictures of it on me netherspace site at (*link removed by admin*).* About two weeks ago, on Tuesday, 12th of August, Borderland archelogists excavated Brutallus’ jawbone in the elysian fields of the Sunwell. Loots were: [item]Clutch of Demise[/item]– Congrats Colibri [item]Belt of the Forgotten Conqueror[/item] – Congrats Hex [item]Belt of the Forgotten Protector[/item] – Congrats Minateth [item]Belt of the Forgotten Vanquisher[/item]– Congrats Revelation *Admin's note: even with deactivated profanity filter (read: continuous bonks on the head with [item]Sulfuras, Hand of Ragnaros[/item] and [item]Torch of the Damned[/item]) the Forum Imp couldn't be convinced to note the end of the story down and with consideration to our faint of heart demonesses the link had to be blinded. Special thanks to Gildagor for the hilarious text and the improvised pictures.